You Have Been Warned

Posted by Martijn on 11/11/2010 in Articles in English, Blog, Columns |

Welcome to Disney! For your comfort and safety, keep your hands and feet inside the vehicle at all times. If you wish to leave during the performance, please see a cast member. This show contains special effects that may be disturbing to small children. This ride features darkness and confined spaces: if this is a problem for you or if you have problems with your neck and back or if you are an expectant mother, you should not ride. If you are ill with diarrhoea, do not enter the water. Please remain seated or the ride will come to a stop and everyone will be asked to leave. Please, for the safety and comfort of others, no smoking, drinking, flash photography, public masturbation, eating or videotaping. This ride will take 35 minutes: if you cannot stay with us for the duration, see a cast member now. We invite you to sit back, relax and enjoy the ride. The waiting time from this point onwards is 70 minutes. For the safety of our performers, the use of laserpointers during the show is strictly prohibited. Please continue to the very end of your row. Leave no empty seats. We will not separate your party, but please stop at the white line when asked. Do not wear the 3D-glasses until you are safely in your seat or you may be asked to leave the park. Please look down when entering the theater, as it is dark inside. Do not stand near the doors, as they open automatically. Por favor, mentega se alejado de las puertas. If you have chosen to sit on the floor of the auditorium, at this time we must ask you to stand up again as guest that arrive late may not see you. If you have a stroller or are in a wheelchair or scooter, please follow the white line. There is a height restriction for this ride. If you care to leave some form of picture ID, we will be happy to provide a lifevest. Take small children by the hand. Please remember where you have parked. Ask the driver for the number of your stop. Our performers take lunch in a cafeteria where products containing peanuts, lactose and gluten are served. If you are allergic to any one of these items, please stand well back during the performance. This is a free floating vehicle and may be prone to bumps and shakes. Please wait until you are shown to your seat by a cast member. This is a single rider lane only, any parties entering will be split up. Please stand on the number assigned to you by a cast member, while we show you a brief presentation. This presentation is brought to you by a company that hopes you will now begin to like it. For the visually impaired, a braille version of this presentation is available at guest services. The first few rows may get wet. All bags will be inspected prior to entering the park. The use of a flotation device is included in the admission. No glassware or alcohol is allowed inside the park. Please hold on to the rail or the grips provided and make room for more passengers by moving to the back of the vehicle. The performance will start in just a few minutes. The beverage you are about to enjoy is extremely hot. And above all: please, for the love of God, don’t sue us. This is a country where morons can sue anyone for any reason for ridiculous sums and do so routinely, so unfortunately we must treat each and every one of you like you are a toddler and repeat these warnings ad infinitum.

Señoras y caballeros, bienvenidos a Disney. Para su comodidad y seguridad…

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