| 40-ish | 48 |
| Adventurer | Has had more partners than you ever will |
| Athletic | Flat-chested |
| Average looking | Ugly |
| Beautiful | Pathological liar |
| Contagious Smile | Bring your penicillin |
| Educated | College dropout |
| Emotionally Secure | Medicated |
| Feminist | Fat; ball buster |
| Free spirit | Substance user |
| Friendship first | Trying to live down reputation as slut |
| Fun | Annoying |
| Gentle | Comatose |
| Good Listener | Borderline Autistic |
| New-Age | All body hair, all the time |
| Old-fashioned | Lights out, missionary position only |
| Open-minded | Desperate |
| Outgoing | Loud |
| Passionate | Loud |
| Poet | Depressive Schzophrenic |
| Professional | Real Witch |
| Redhead | Shops the Clairol section |
| Reubenesque | Grossly Fat |
| Romantic | Looks better by candle light |
| Voluptuous | Very Fat |
| Weight proportional to height | Hugely Fat |
| Wants Soulmate | One step away from stalking |
| Widow | Nagged first husband to death |
| Young at heart | Toothless crone |
| 40-ish | 52 and looking for 25-yr-old |
| Athletic | Sits on the couch and watches ESPN |
| Average looking. | Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back |
| Educated | Will always treat you like an idiot |
| Free Spirit. | Sleeps with your sister |
| Friendship first | As long as friendship involves nudity |
| Fun. | Good with a remote and a six pack |
| Good looking | Arrogant |
| Honest | Pathological Liar |
| Huggable | Overweight, more body hair than a bear |
| Like to cuddle | Insecure, overly dependent |
| Mature | Until you get to know him |
| Open-minded |
Wants to sleep with your sister but she's not interested |
| Physically fit | I spend a lot of time in front of mirror admiring myself |
| Poet | Has written on a bathroom stall |
| Spiritual |
Once went to church with his grandmother on Easter Sunday |
| Stable | Occasional stalker, but never arrested |
| Thoughtful | Says "Please" when demanding a beer |
