Hi.
Thanks for visiting this page, because as long as people come here, I will never really die!
Not that I'm in any imminent danger, mind you, but I do feel that it is important to leave something behind. Even if it is a lame-ass website. As I write this, the Bedcam is about 6 years old. In Internet-time, that makes it prehistoric. You can tell by the fact I refer to Explorer 3 and Netscape 4, although that was only after an update. It all started somewhere in 1997.
Still, as of this date (see above) there have been 63123 visitors here. Most of them were very disappointed I'm sure. But I know for a fact I gave a few people a good chuckle, and that's all I wanted to achieve. You may be interested to hear I've lost quite a few pounds since these pictures were taken and I've gained a rather more optimistic outlook on life (and a girlfriend - the cause of both events). But I've decided to keep these pages online for a while longer. Hell, I'd like them to be around long after the sun collapses to be honest! They are a reminder of how I once was and what I tried to figure out about life, comedy, websites and myself. They also tell us about Internet-history, of HTML 2.0, the browser-wars, the days before DHTML and of a time when people actually used the PRE-tag. And for at least a few thousand people they were a small but bright spot on the internet, before the porn, the script-kiddies and the spam took over and made it a much less friendly place. So there.
Martijn Warnas, Oktober 2003.
BedCam FAQ, version 3.1, 29-01-99.
Introduction
The BedCam was never intended to play mean tricks on people.
It's just a harmless practical joke. I created it because I
find the phenomenon of webcams rather silly: half the time
they don't work or they're aimed at something you don't want
to see. So I decided to parody the 'genre'. More than 35.500
people have visited the BedCam so far and it is linked to from
some populair cam-links pages. (Until they read this FAQ, anyway...)
I never advertised this page outside my own website, except
for the search-engine instructions. And I never asked for links
on those webcam pages either. They just did that by themselves.
******** Index **********
Q1. Is it a real camera?
Q2. How does it work?
Q3. Do the pictures ever change?
Q4. Why do the pictures have those long filenames?
Q5. Is that really you in the bed?
Q6. Can I sleep in your bed one night?
Q7. How do I connect a camera to the Net?
Q8. Couldn't you use some more interesting pictures?
Q9. Can I use that script?
Q10. Can I use those pictures?
Q11. Do you think this is funny?
Q12. Why are you wasting my time with this?
Q13. Where can I find that script?
Q14. Why won't it work in Explorer?
Q15. Who are you, anyway?
Q16. What is The Cyber Academy? Why can't I read it?
******** Answers **********
Q1. Is it a real camera?
A1. Well, the camera I used to make the pictures was real,
but if you mean: 'are these live images?' then, no. Sorry.
Q2. How does it work?
A2. With Javascript. A few lines of programming in the
HTML-document are all there is to it. The script finds
out what time it is on your PC-clock. Depending on that
time, you see one of four pictures and texts. So if
someone in Japan and someone in Portugal visit the
page at the same time, they will each see a different
picture, provided that their PC's are set to the
correct (local) time.
Addendum in version 2.0: more than 20.000 people have seen
this page so far. I thought that maybe if I improved the
camera, I could get even more visitors. Therefore, my good
friend Akos Batorfi has adapted the script so that it randomises
images within a category. The categories are linked to certain
times. This means that you can see me reading, watching TV etc.
Because the interval is 90 seconds, I'm guessing most people
won't notice that after a while the images begin to repeat.
Q3. Do the pictures ever change?
A3. Nope. There are over 30 pictures. That should be enough.
Q4. Why do the pictures have those long
filenames?
A4. To make it appear as if they are generated
by some sort of grab-system. If the pics were
just called 'pic1.gif', 'pic2.gif' etc, it would
be too obvious.
Q5. Is that really you in the bed?
A5. Yeah, it's me allright. 'Me' being the guy who
made the page and came up with the idea, that is.
Q6. Can I sleep in your bed one night?
A6. I get this question a lot, probably from people
who think it's a real camera and who want to give a
peepshow. The answer is: 'Hell no!' Although I'll make
an exception for attractive women between, say, 14 and 26.
They're welcome in my bed *anytime*. And I'll be quite
happy to arrange a camera (although I won't hook it up
to the Net).
Q7. How do I connect a camera to the Net?
Q7. I have no idea. I've never done it and
probably never will.
Q8. Couldn't you use some more interesting pictures?
A8. Nothing of any interest ever happens in my
bedroom, believe me.
Q9. Can I use that script?
A9. Sure. I can't really stop you, can I? Furthermore,
I didn't actually write the script. I just editted it.
But why not make up your own damned jokes?
Q10. Can I use those pictures?
A10. No. Again, I can't stop you but if I find out,
I'll mailbomb you. Reproduction is permitted for magazines
etc. but *only* with my permission: mail boss@warnas.net
Q11. Do you think this is funny?
A11. It makes *me* laugh. I don't care what you think.
Bite me. It's meant as something inbetween a joke, a
scam, a prank, a parody and a trick.
Q12. Why are you wasting my time with this?
A12. What are you saying? That looking at *real* webcams
isn't a waste of time either? Let's face it: you were
bored out of your skull and looking for some action on
the Web. You were probably hoping to see some sexy pictures
and you were sadly disappointed. Well, boohoohoo.
Q13. Where can I find that script?
A13. Do I look like Alta freaking Vista to you? Sorry,
that was rude ;-) Actually, I've forgotten where I got it.
Any half-decent javascript tutorial should have it. It's
an adaptation of those scripts that say 'goodmorning' etc.
Q14. Why won't it work in Explorer?
A14. I don't know. Probably because Explorer SUCKS. I have
no intention of fixing this problem. Let Bill clean up his
act, I say. If it works in Netscape and not in Explorer,
then whose fault is that? Anyway, you shouldn't really be
using Explorer. You're just playing into the hands of
Microsoft and they're big enough already. Idiot.
Q15. Who are you, anyway?
A15. Check out http://www.warnas.net/martijn if you really care.
Q16. What is The Cyber Academy? Why can't I read it?
A.16. The Cyber Academy is a dutch column about the Internet,
written by Martijn Warnas. That's me. And the fact that you
can't understand it is because it's in DUTCH, stupid!
The world needs a valium. Peace.